Exasperated parents sometimes find themselves mediating conflict between their children in ways that make little sense. It’s usually on a day filled with stress and busyness. Life is in a whirl and the last thing the father or mother need is to have one of their offspring acting in an unusually nasty way toward their sibling. But that’s often the time when one child will come to the parent bawling because they were struck or offended by the meanness or selfishness of their brother or sister. You’ve likely seen or experienced a situation where, for example, a brother hauled off and slugged his older sister, who comes running to you or their parent. (I’m assuming we’re the parent in the following scenario.)
Full of frustration and fatigue, you yell for the offender to come. They walk in slowly, head down, avoiding eye contact. “I want you to apologize for hitting your brother and I want you do it right now!” you demand.
“Sorry,” your son mumbles in a barely audible voice.
“I didn’t hear you!” you insist.
He looks up at you, but just for a second, then back. You can tell from his expression he just wants to get this ordeal over with so he can return to his life without your interference. “I’m sorry,” he says in a louder voice.
“Do you really mean it?” you ask. You doubt that he does, but for some strange reason you figure that if he says “yes” you’ve won some kind of moral victory.
“Yeah,” he responds without any serious emotion.
“OK, then,” you add. “I want you both to play nice with each other. I don’t want to have this conversation again! Understood?” Both nod their heads and go off to play apart from one another until the threat of retribution lessens. There is no real resolution, just the appearance of it.
God is not interested in phony repentance. He doesn’t play those kinds of games that frustrated parents can sometimes slip into. In Jeremiah chapter 3 God speaks to the divided kingdoms of Israel and Judah. The northern kingdom of Israel defied God and embraced pagan ways much more readily than did the southern kingdom if Judah. God summons both nations to abandon their folly and return to him. One of the nations seems to, but the other stubbornly does not. Which pleases God more? You may be surprised in God’s reaction.
God describes the northern kingdom’s defiance this way in Jeremiah 3:9, “Because Israel’s immorality mattered so little to her, she defiled the land and committed adultery with stone and wood.” The nation readily dumped worship of the invisible God for the idols of the surrounding nations. God brought drought and economic stress on the nation as a result, but the southern kingdom did not learn from this experience of their sister nation. God adds in verse 10, “In spite of all this, her unfaithful sister Judah did not return tome with all her heart, but only in pretense.”
Like the family scenario pictured earlier, Judah said she was sorry for what she had done, but without conviction. It was a paper apology that meant nothing.
God adds in verse 11. “Faithless Israel is more righteous than unfaithful Judah.” God gives greater credit to the northern kingdom that admits they prefer their rebellion than to the southern kingdom that pretends to dislike it but continues on as before.
Sometimes we can slip into patterns where our misbehavior and independence from God run smack into his truth. We realize in that moment that we are fighting God, opposing his expressed moral will. And our awareness of our wrong can prompt us to apologize. But when the apology is in words only, it does not impress God in the least.
When public officials who break trust through financial or sexual misdeeds apologize on camera, their constituents look for some kind of attitude and behavior change. If none takes place, they assumed that they’ve been lied to one more time, and their distrust for the official only grows.
God is not fooled by fake repentance. When our remorse leads only to words, we might as well keep them to ourselves. We cannot build a healthy relationship with God my muttering, “I’m sorry” on occasion. He wants us to disengage with the rotten things we sometimes find appealing and engage with him in the pursuit of righteousness. Real reconciliation is always available, but it requires the painful step of changing our attitude toward some of the destructive things we tend to love and jumping over to God’s side in living righteously. Anything short of that is a vain attempt to deceive God and ourselves.
