It’s easy to have convictions in a vacuum. Imagine yourself alone, pondering the realities of life. You’re doing some serious thinking about how to make wise decisions and live better. In those moments of clarity you embrace the value of exercise or eating better. You tell yourself you will spend more time reflecting on the rich truths of the word of God. You make a silent pledge to bring fresh grace or kindness to a languishing relationship. In those moments it’s easy to see the truth about who you really are and the improvements you need to make.
And then you step out into the real world, with its expectations, demands, temptations, and pressures. In that environment it is difficult to live out the convictions that were once so clear. You may even continue to firmly believe in those values. It’s just that acting on them is more difficult. Truth takes on a different dimension when it is mixed with relationships.
Even the wisest man in the world faced this dilemma. Solomon was legendary for his wisdom, which was a gift from God. (See 2 Chronicles 1:12.) He answered all the questions the queen of Sheba asked him, and gained notoriety for his discernment. But when he tried to live out his wisdom in the context of relationships with his wives, his convictions eroded. 1 Kings 11:3 records “his wives led him astray.” Solomon was outnumbered 700 to 1, which stacked the odds against him. But many of his wives were for show, most likely the product of treaties with lords of city-states and various regions. Even so, the pressure to accommodate their thinking in order to maintain satisfying relationships with them slowly turned Solomon away from the truth he so eloquently defended in 1 Kings chapter 8.
Some might conclude that Solomon’s problem was marrying so many women. That’s a fair criticism. But I wonder if the deeper factor in his change is related to the power of relationships. So often the truth we aspire to crumbles in the face of someone’s displeasure, rejection, or ridicule. We accommodate in order to appease another or win their favor. But when we forsake core convictions for a relationship, we pay too high a price. And our phoniness and vacillation damages both us and the relationship.
So what’s the solution? I don’t have a magic answer, but I suspect that it is linked to cultivating our relationship with God. Truth with God is relational as well as propositional. A bare precept may crumble in the face of a person we don’t want to offend. But a value that is part of the character of a God who loves us, who bought salvation for us, who pays careful attention to our most feeble prayers—this is another thing. As we become more thoughtful about disappointing him and damaging our relationship with him, the intimidation that we may experience because of other relationships becomes secondary.